The other side of through…

I can’t ever remember a time when I have felt such a loss for words. Capturing feelings and ideas and putting them into neat and catchy phrases has always seemed easy for me. Until now. This week has been hard. Mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, it’s been a long year this week.

The murders of Ahmaud Arbrey and now George Floyd unearthed something that had been not so neatly tucked away in our collective consciousness. These two events coupled with the trauma of the COVID pandemic were the catalysts for what I now see was a perfect storm. So, it would seem that we as a nation, and more specifically some of us as a people- are on the other side of through.

I am a wife, daughter, sister and mother of black men. Whom I love and cherish- as anyone would their people- and I am now, more than ever- fiercely protective of and loyal to my tribe. But in these times I don’t just pray for their safety and protection. I pray for their hearts and for their faith in humanity not to fail. Because as we have recently been made painfully aware, not everyone sees them as equally valuable or worthy of life; simply on account of the beautiful skin they’re in.

Am I wrong for inwardly cringing every time I hear anyone say that they are colorblind, since I can’t see that as a good thing? Because to say that you choose to be blind to my color is essentially like suggesting my race is a defect or flaw that is to be politely ignored.

No, I must stop you right there.

Why? Because these are the brown hands that have cooked countless meals, sent texts and letters of support, or held your hands and prayed with and for you. My brown arms have hugged you and held you as you’ve cried, or just needed encouragement. My brown legs and feet have held my solid brown body up as I have walked and worked with you; cheered our children together, and driven all over God’s creation to show up for them. For us. For you. Yes, me. In all of my quirky, snarky, witty marvelously brown glory. Me. Why would I want you or anyone to be blind to that? I wouldn’t. Nor should you.

True love and respect for each other comes from seeing, and acknowledging our differences, while not discounting their value due to comparison or ignorance. Clearly seeing, loving and accepting who we are- without apology or excuse is the starting place for grace, growth and healing. And that’s something we all need right now.

While my heart is encouraged and blessed by the sheer numbers of people who have shown up on their various social media platforms to denounce and decry racist acts, and intentions- am I wrong to want to quietly sit this one out? Maybe let other stronger ones fight this round because I’m overwhelmed and just tired? Because I really am so, so tired. Truly, I just need some time to get myself back; then onto the right and productive side- of being through.

9 thoughts on “The other side of through…

  1. Tiffany Moore May 31, 2020 — 6:37 am

    You are marvelously and wonderfully made by the Almighty God. He made you and you are beautiful. My heart aches for you because I see your beauty and your beautiful family. God asks us not to be afraid, but scary things surround us at every turn. I am praying for healing, knowing that I will do my part to love more. I am praying that your strength is renewed and while you may not see decency is small pockets of humanity, you will feel God’s love…and my love today and every day.

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    1. Tiffany, I thank you. I am encouraged greatly and am blessed by your support and willingness to engage in the conversation. I love you, too!

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  2. Well said, my friend. I love you!

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    1. Thank you Ms Donna! Love you!

      Like

  3. Teresa Hallock May 31, 2020 — 11:46 am

    I love you and your family as family. You have been there for me through so many things.

    This horrendous act of hate of killing George Floyd opened my eyes like no other. I want to be part of the answer of healing our nation.

    I have heard stories from one of my nephews of how he was treated growing up. He is 40 years old. And one of my nieces is married to a kind, loving black man. She has two beautiful daughters. They have also been treated badly just because the love each other. Their oldest daughter was treated like she wasn’t “good enough”. All of these are God living, beautiful people.

    All of this to say, I honestly don’t pick and choose my friends by the color of their skin. I would love to be able to solve this. How do we do that?

    I love you, my friend❤️❤️❤️

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    1. Thank you sweet friend. We do it one relationship- and one interaction at a time. And then we keep doing it. And we share it. And we keep loving, and growing and forgiving. Together.

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  4. Your words are relevant, and wise, and graceful, and important, and beautiful! Love you! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you!! I appreciate the kind words and support.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is beautiful and sad at the same time!!! This last event has left me sad angry heartbroken and wondering how I could be of any help so all I know at this point is to pray and have some kind of voice when and if it would matter the most. Love you

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